screwed ssm

i am like so fucked.
runner, i thought i could do well.
but today,
last day in toptable,
i screwed it all up.
everything that could possibly go wrong,
went wrong.

i wanted to defend myself so badly..
i wanted to tell my team i am sorry that i couldnt handle it..
i wanted to tell the instructors how pressured i was when the chef just didnt want to hear my order.
at the moment when i heard 'you are the runner, if anything goes wrong, you are going to get it from me.' i was still calm. cause what could possibly go wrong?
then firing of dish was delayed cause of something that i cant blog about.. ask me directly... i will be more than delighted to share my story..

so where was i?
yes.
my question is why?
why nobody stood up for me during debrief?
was i that terrible?
there are so many incidents that occured which was not address.
everyone seems to attribute all the mistake at the runner..
i am no wonder women.
i have emotions too my dearests.
who said the world was fair anyway.

getting home wasnt any better.
it was suppose to be the comfort zone.
the moment i see my mum,
i know she wouldnt understand and believe i should be strong to withstand all this.
but i went on and tell her my story for today..
no i didnt tear..
cause i know i shouldnt..

i thought i would be alright.
but i was wrong, again.
dad came home with high alcohol content.
he said i treat him like he wasnt there.
he claim i didnt greet him.
what the fuck am i still in ssm or what?
i did greet and if he is going to get upset with what he proclaim,
so be it.
but thanks to the all-time great dad,
i am now crying like a fucking loser.
thanks, very much.

culinary science tmr..
toptable operation for the last day..
for the term, i was in operation at toptable for 6 times.
this afternoon was the worse.
what could possibly get worse?
fuck,
how am i suppose to face all this?



i need a getaway.